A year of ups and downs!

It's been quite a roller coaster, the last 12 months. A first Christmas without Dad, Mum coming here for dinner instead of us all going over to her and Dad. Seeing in a New Year wishing it was last year, wishing you had more time to talk and ask things and create more memories. Finding out my brother's marriage has broken down and they are heading towards a divorce and because of this being able to spend more time with him and become closer again. Having him give me away at my wedding was lovely, bitter sweet at the same time because I was wishing Dad was there. My blue item was Dad's blue handkerchief with a little passport photo tucked inside and it was tucked down my dress.

I enjoyed the lead up to my wedding, I made all the invites, table settings, favour bags and picnic bags myself (with a little help along the way) it was a lovely way to really personalise things. I was hoping to shift some weight before the wedding day but I just found it such a struggle to get my head in the right place to do that, suffered a little depression after Dad's death and had to go onto meds to help me get through things. Our day felt right, it was us from start to finish. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, the vintage bus run, the picnic in Stormont, the sunshine, the craic, the champagne, the speeches, the food, the disco!

We spent a week in Italy on honeymoon, Sorrento is very beautiful. Food, wine, scenery, mopeds, photographs, caves, boats, coffee, shopping. Everything was just perfect.

Settling into married life had a few ups and downs once we returned to 'real life' teething problems that were quickly smoothed out.

Lynsey's graduation was lovely, very proud Momma. Mum and Hannah came to the ceremony, Michael met us after for lunch.

So then we hit the summer holidays, Donegal, surfing, driving with Hannah and Sara, trying to make a dogs run, Michael's broken toe, frustrations at not being able to get things done.

Mum's wedding anniversary was difficult for her, the girls and I took her out for dinner but she was reliving every hour of the day from 42 years ago. Another first.

11.11.11 all the ones for a number 1 Dad. We made sure he had his poppy and remembered him in our own ways. Mum, Roy and I had lunch on the day of his birthday.

So Halloween approached, I was shooting a wedding on the 31st. The most difficult part was watching a father's face the first time he sees his little girl all dressed for her wedding and then listening to his speech later. We all met up for dinner and it was good to remember Dad, smile and laugh about things he would have said and done. We are lucky that he left us with so much 'material' sayings and phrases he used to use come back to us almost every day and you just can't be sad.

A year since Jimmy died as well. John & Caroline's little baby girl born. Hannah passed her test. So many peaks and troughs.

So here we are on the verge of December, I really would like to enjoy this one, I really hope nobody has the flu, I really hope we don't have any bad news this month, I really want to have a lovely first Christmas with my husband and family.

I really hope I am not building myself up for a fall!